Compassion
by Anacrusis
Summary: Edward's life and his relationship with Carlisle. Mild slash being Carlisle and Edward but not much else. In-Progress, told in both perspectives in varying chapters.
1. Chapter One: A Dying Wish

Chapter One: A Dying Wish

Carlisle

1918. The stage was set before me like my own personal nightmare. Dying, ailing people all around me while I stood useless, unaffected and spared, due to my condition.

I paced the bright room, death palpable in the air. I had not taken a breath since entering the hospital, afraid of inhaling the despair that clung to my person. With a grunt of frustration and misery, I threw my hands into the air. "Can I do nothing for these poor souls?" I muttered, my voice cracking at the end of the sentence.

A nurse approached, her eyes wary and downcast. She had been working for the past night without sleep. I could tell as her stride seemed stripped of hope, face impassive. She had learned of death in our field of work.

"Sir, you're needed." She stated simply and then departed. I straightened, putting on a calm façade before I encountered the dying. It pained me to see any creature in this form of pain and I unable to do anything but ease the fever slightly. My icy skin seemed to soothe many and at least relieved a small amount of their suffering.

The room I entered held only one patient. _Odd, _I thought by not paying it much mind. I approached the bed and looked down. The woman was young, not grossly so but enough for it to be a misfortune that the influenza would claim her life.

Her skin was a waxy yellow and glistened with sweat. And yet, her eyes were alight with a fierce determination that stunned me. Clearing my throat, I laid my hand on her forehead. The skin was warm and she did not withdraw from my touch. A fever, as was expected.

"Miss Mason." I took a seat on the chair that was next to the bed, trying to fight back the humanity that threatened by calm mask. The woman looked around at her name and coughed.

"No need to see me, doctor. I'll be dead before the next hour." Her voice was raspy and soft but not weak. I rose for a moment to check the medicine that was doing little to help her. But suddenly, she clutched at my shirt collar, pulling me closer with surprising strength,

Shocked, I allowed her to pull me closer.

"Just save my Edward." She whispered to me, a strange emotion in her voice.

I nodded to her. "I will do what I can, miss."

She shook her head, left-to-right slightly. She winced slightly before continuing. "No. You do whatever it takes. Even if others can not do what you can. Save my Edward."

I gasped, staring into her eyes. Something gleamed there. Did she-but-it was not possible. Was she giving me permission?

The light from her green eyes suddenly disappear and the hand clasped on my shirt went limp. She was gone. I, however, did not move. Unable to do anything, my mind seemed frozen.

My hand was still up, curled around nothing but air. Hurriedly, I exited the room and entered the main area where the dead were stored.

I glanced around the packed room and my eyes feel upon a body that was undoubtedly her son's. He had the same unnatural shade of bronze hair. Lids half-covered his deep green eyes but they were the same as hers. I fought to keep my walk brisk and human as I made my way towards him. A few feet away, I realized he was still alive. His chest fell, albeit a bit slower then usual, up and down as he fought for each breathe.

It was then that I made the decision. In that moment, I realized that my loneliness would be no more. That this boy, this Edward, would be the first to join my family. Emily's words still in my head, I approached him, slightly shaken still by the incident. The boy's eyes shot open and a feeble hand reached for me, just as his mother had.

"Mother…" The thought remained in the air unfinished but the question was still there. Before I could answer, he looked away from me, pain molding the face into a mask of agony. The answer was in my eyes. He shook convulsively, the tremors taking hold of his already weak body.

I could do nothing but hold his hand as he trembled. Several times, his hand tightened around mine, vice-like. "Dr. Cullen, please. Make it stop." He muttered during that long period. I could only nod, my own pain making it impossible to speak. "I will." I muttered, wincing at that thought of what I was to do. He would be taken over by a whole new pain, increased ten-fold, soon enough.


	2. Chapter Two: Poison

AN: I apologize for any errors that you may come across while reading. I have yet to find a beta. But please enjoy and comment. I would love some feedback as this is my first fanfiction. I fixed a few stupid mistakes in this chapter. I know that this part is supposed to take place in the 1900's I guess I was just too wrapped up in descriptions that it didn't click until it was pointed out to me. My apologies.

Chapter Song: Savior by Skillet

I do not own any of the chapter songs used. They belong to the respective owners.

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Chapter Two: Poison

Carlisle

I sat on the hard chair in my overly bright kitchen, the kitchen door slightly ajar. An apple sat at my elbow. All part of the ruse, however foolish it may be now.

Stalling never came naturally to me and it was just at that point I realized how ridiculous it all is. Here I sat, a vampire with a kidnapped orphan, presumed dead by my colleagues, in the other room and I was trying to put off the horrid prospect soon to occur by staring at food I found absolutely vile. I threw my head back and release a soft, hysterical laugh.

Edward moaned in the background and I sprung to my feet, sending the food clattering to the floor. Wringing my hands, I walked into the small living space. I knew that if I wait any longer, the sickness will kill the man that lie writhing on my couch. No, he is merely a boy, only seventeen years of age and the Spanish influenza had robbed him of his sense already. He had been calling for his parents for a little over an hour now.

The sight that met me was enough to make me want to turn right back around and spare this child of his fate. Surely death is worse then being immortal. Surely.

Edward stirred, his eyes fluttering open. The green irises were hazy now, out-of-focus. "Mother, the doctor said he can help me. It will be okay." His velvet voice was enough to send a sob through me as I approached, putting a hand to his hot cheek.

He fell into another fitful sleep soon after that. And I had yet to perform the surgery. I laughed at the dark humor in that. A surgery saves a life whereas what I would do would rob him of everything that was life. He would still live but his heart would be forever silent, his body frozen in it's seventeen year-old shell.

I had done the research, consulted even Aro for some semblance of understanding. The immunity I had built up to the blood would be tested at last.

I turned towards Edward and knelt beside him, considering first his wrist and then his throat. Both arteries would test my self-control, neither would be easy.

I took a deep breath and held it before I punctured that skin around his wrist with my teeth. I tasted the blood on my tongue and withheld a moan from escaping my lips. It burned my throat, the sweet blood that was like wine to my kind, but I carefully took in only what was necessary.

The venom spread quickly and Edward awoke with a scream that echoed inside the very contours of my mind. I quickly cleaned the puncture mark, all the while trying hard not to break his wrist as I clung to it, fighting the thirst that I had so long ago buried away.

The taste of him still on my tongue, I worked to pin Edward against the sofa, his thrashing limbs putting up little resistance to my inhuman strength. The scream continued on, clawing at the humanity I felt for this boy.

I had been alone during my transformation, the process made all the worse as I was being hunted.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I said weakly again and again those first few hours. The screams quieted once or twice but I could still read the pain in those green eyes. Eyes that would forever be changed, whether they be gold or scarlet.

I explained to him, on the second day, what I was and who I was. I explained my life style and why I had changed him.

Each night, as the poison slowly claimed more and more of his body, I would sit with him. My fingers would be interlaced with his as he slowly changed. His skin lightened, his features made angel-like, and his thirst intensified. His strength increased and at one point in the night, he fought to be free. To hunt for what he desired.

Human blood.

The third morning, I looked into his eyes and shuddered. Red, as I knew they would be. There was something wrong about those red eyes though. The image of Elizabeth's green ones fought to the surface of my mind, seeming to condemn me and what I had done.

There was no sparkle in those red irises, the gleam that had been so apparent when he was human. It was this that haunted my thoughts whenever I tormented over Edward's transformation.

It was not that I had taken his life, his heartbeat, or even his memories. It was the fact that there was no light dancing in his eyes.

I had taken it away.


	3. Chapter Three: Escape

Chapter Three: Escape

Edward

"You weak fool!" I roared across the room at him, my anger causing me to lash out at my guardian and friend. Carlisle shook his head, looking down at the floor, guiding his thoughts towards one of the patients he had seen, deliberately shutting me out.

"Edward, there is no need to take a hu-" I cut him off by throwing an antique painting at his head.

Naturally, Carlisle was two steps to the left before it had sailed halfway across the room. It hit the wall and shattered, forming a mass of broken glass and wood on the floor.

"Edward." For once, his voice was sharp and hard. "If you wish to live with me, that is fine but I will not accept the fact that you will be killing the ones I work so hard to heal."

"The humans?!" I spat, my voice seeming to ooze contempt. "Have you ever once stopped to think about me? About how the thirst is always there. Never fully satisfied. It will always have control over me." I stopped there, too upset to continue.

"And you're merely giving into it." He said softly, his eyes a million miles away. I surged across the room towards him, my fist raised.

I stopped in front of him, my nostrils flaring and my mind racing. My hand was raised to strike but he didn't make a move to stop me. Didn't flinch, didn't raise his arm to protect himself.

"Pathetic." I muttered, dropping my hand. I sprinted from the room without a backward glance. From the house. From the very sight of Carlisle in my mind, pain etched into his usually calm face. From hearing his agonized thoughts. I had to escape.

Shards of disjointed thoughts still attacked my mind, each causing me to stumble slightly as I flew down the stairs and out the front door.

_Protect him-teach-redeem-red eyes. _This jumbled mess of incoherent words came to me, his voice saying each in turn, the calm tone he so regularly used tossed aside. I ached to turn around, to go to him. I kept sprinting as a thick forest came to greet me, the sprawling city far behind me.

I could never be good enough for him. I knew that much was certain. Each time a human passed me, its pulse would quicken, making it only harder for me to ignore the ache that arose. The need for human blood. The drink our kind was meant to survive off of. Guilt rose up inside of me which only made me run harder.

He never thought of me. If he really did, he would allow me to stop the horrible pain that his lifestyle caused. So what if a few human lives were lost? I was the one he cared about.

I cringed slightly, realizing suddenly how vain and self-absorbed I truly was. No, I was right. Carlisle deserved better then the likes of me.

I ran still harder, my feet barely touching the ground. Maybe reading the thoughts of others was the real problem. Maybe that gift allowed me to hide the real monster I was from myself. To allow myself to be swaddled by Carlisle's talk of redemption and of God. To kid myself into thinking I really had a soul.

I allowed myself to rest only after I had found a secluded place in the trees. I had no idea where I was, the town, the state, or maybe even the country. I had ran for so long.

My demons still followed me, shadows in my ever moving thoughts.

Soft snow started to fall around me but I didn't mind. The snow was not cold, not wet, not comforting as it was to the humans I so longed to be.

I sat like that for a long time, immobile. Elbows rested on the sharp angle of my knees, the heels of my palms pressed firmly against my eyes, which were squeezed shut. A vain attempt in shutting out thought. But there was little else I could do in the silence, nothing to distract me. Animals steered clear of the clearing, their faint thoughts barely registering on my radar.

My throat ached each time I heard the pulse of blood and I fought to remain frozen. Now was not the time for hunting. It would only deepen the resentment I felt for myself at the moment. Later, when at last I could not fight the burning any longer, I would head into town. I shuddered slightly but my stubbornness overshadowed the self-disgust.

I rose to my feet, shaking a few loose snowflakes that had lodged into my hair. I began pacing, one foot in front of the other, in the small space from trunk to trunk. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. My foot hit the white bark with a firm clunk. I turned around and headed the other way, staring down at my tattered shoes, counting each foot fall in the snow.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Turn around. Repeat.

A wolf bayed at the moon in the far distance, snow still fell from the white sky. This place felt like a tomb, a white marble mausoleum. I chuckled without humor at the metaphor I had used. Ironic but horribly appropriate.

Night fell around me and the need fought still harder, an animal inside my chest fighting to get out. I viciously attacked one of the large oak trees in the clearing, tearing it easily from the ground and tossing it aside. Small birds shot out of the fallen tree, crying loudly as they sped off into the otherwise quiet night.

I could not return to Carlisle, could not allow myself to even think of the man. Visions of him still swam before my eyes, his golden irises warm and calm. Images of other things entered my mind too. To call them nightmares would seem right but I was not asleep. Myself with red eyes was often there, thrown strongly into contrast against Carlisle's honey eyes. I had hoped to one day be like him, his equal but I would always be a immature newborn, never able to completely ignore the need.

It was like being addicted to some forbidden drug. Wanting to be strong enough without it but feeling empty if I was completely clean.


	4. Chapter Four: Break Down

Chapter Song: Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace

Chapter Four: Break Down

Edward

An electric current seemed to charge the night air, making it writhe and coil like a snake. The twilight seemed lake an appropriate, if not cliché, time to hunt. Such frivolous thing shouldn't make a different by now though. The beast that was a part of me would be silence by dawn.

My pale fingers twitched convulsively as my mind unraveled at the edges. If I had had a heart, I am pretty sure it would haven been fluttering in my throat. I crept quietly into the outermost boundaries of the city.

No one approached me on the street, not one light shone from a window. I cursed under my breath, nervously glancing around.

The street lights were my only company; their faint glows making the scene feel surreal. I listened carefully, waiting to hear something out of the ordinary, something that signaled trouble.

I had already made a promise to myself to rid this world of humans who did not deserve to be here. I would spare the innocent. Except for that fact that everyone was innocent when compared to my scattered sin. I was no super hero, of course. A life would still be ended.

I heard just what I wanted about an hour later. I could smell the adrenaline that was rushing through the veins of a large shadow of a man. A young girl had foolishly wandered down a dark alley. The man was a few yards behind her, muttering excitedly under his breath.

I took a deep breath and held it, waiting. I had forced myself to prolong my hunt in order to provoke the inescapable frenzy that would occur; I wanted to find some way to escape the guilt that would undoubtedly be hanging onto my conscience for the rest of my life. It would be forever inside of me, gnashing away at my mind.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by a wayward thought that didn't belong to me. I felt a shudder jar my body as repulsive images flashed through my subconscious. Vile human.

I pressed myself into the dam bricks of one of the walls that composed the alley, careful to stay in to darkness.

I noticed the hair on the back of the girl's neck stand on end and it was then that I chose to pounce. She would turn around at any moment. She shrieked just then. I wasn't sure if it was I or that attacker that merited a scream but surely we both were worthy of it.

My weight was more then enough to send him careening to the ground. In a few moments, I was perched neatly on top of him. My left hand covered his mouth and my right was wrapped around his neck.

One easy jerk and it would be enough to snap his neck in two. My fingers brushed up against the pulsing vein in just behind his ear and I felt the monster threaten to burst forth from my ribcage. A small gasp sounded in the silence, seeming unnaturally loud.

I had all but forgotten about the girl. Slowly, I looked up to stare into her face.

She had lost all color and now had the appearance of a porcelain doll, her face frozen into a terrified expression. I searched her dark eyes and as I did so, I moved slightly, trying to find purchase on the man's skull.

The small shift in balance alarmed the girl and she slowly backed away, never taking her eyes off my face. I had no idea what expression lied there but it was enough to scare her off completely.

She threw caution to the wind and sprinted away, her skirt flapping out behind her as she went.

I brought my attention back to my prey, who incidentally, was unconscious.

Releasing the breath I had held in my lungs, I brought his neck back until I head an audible snap. His chest stayed still and I could no longer hear his thudding heartbeat.

Sucking his body dry while he was alive seemed too sadistic, even for a vampire. Tentatively, I pulled back the collar from his pale flesh, marveling at the spiderlike veins that crisscrossed just under the skin.

I look away suddenly, all too aware of his vacant green eyes that stared back at me. I had killed him easily, as if this human hadn't had a family, a life, a soul. He may have lacked morality, but still. He was human. I truly was a vampire.

It was then that I realized that this lifestyle suited me much more then-his.

I couldn't think his name. That simple eight letter word would conjure a host of memories and a pain that felt as if a bullet pierced my heart.

I looked back down to the human below me. I hunched down, balancing my weight on my knees to sit beside the cold body. I bent down still further, the smell of his blood tantalizing even as it slowed in its journey through his veins.

I sank my teeth into the vein just under his chin, warm blood flooding my mouth instantly. The taste of it was like nothing else. Indescribable. Like hearing the strawberry voice of a lover whisper "I love you" in the silence. Or the first cry of a newborn baby cradled in your arms. Of feeling the gentle summer rain on your skin.

These were all human experiences, the only things with which I could compare. But still, none of these seemed adequate.

One memory broke through the surface, shimmering and dancing before my eyes. My vision was blurred although I could not cry. The emotion was there though. The memory was clouded with pain but it was still pleasant.

The touch of an icy hand, wrapped tightly around my own burning one comforting. Deep ocher eyes gazed back at me, the face with golden hair to match.

"Carlisle." I breathed aloud.

Still, I drank. I was only finished when the body was unable to supply more. The guilt was not enough to stop my deranged frenzy. And it never would be.

When I could draw not one more drop, I lowered my face to the earth, running my tongue across the cobblestone, hoping to find more blood I had spilled by mistake.

As I did so, I shook violently, tremors overtaking my body. Dry sobs made my stomach heave and my head spin. I knew then that I would not be able to return to my father and friend.

The blood had claimed me as her own and there was no escape.


	5. Chapter Five: Mistake

AN: I wanted to get this up quickly before I leave for a few weeks for Christmas. I'll probably end up editing this or completely rewriting it when I return as I don't think I'm all that fond of it. Maybe it's the description or the fast account of Esme's transformation. But I felt it would be redundant to describe basically the same scenario as Chapter Two. Some impute from any reader would be appreciated. Thanks and Happy Winter Season.

Chapter Song: Running Away by Hoobastank

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Chapter Five: Esme

Carlisle

"_You weak fool!"_

I didn't understand. Refused to understand. It was at that moment that I wished I had his gift. His ability to see into the minds of others. Maybe then I could have stopped him from leaving.

"_Edward, there is no need to take a hu-" _I muttered softly, trying to make him see clearly. To force him to not go down that path.

A painting flew towards but I easily stepped aside, my mind still spiraling out of control. I barely noticed the splinters of wood that were scattered across the floor. Barely took in the accusations that pierced my heart. My voice mirrored my sudden flash of anger. Not at the painting but at how he was pushing aside everything I had taught him.

How I was being tossed away just because of his blood lust.

"_Edward!"_

I was shaking with fury and suppressed pain, my hands curling and uncurling convulsively.

"_If you wish to live with me, that is fine but I will not accept the fact that you will be killing the ones I work so hard to heal."_

Nothing but a mere excuse. Something to show my anger, to convey my rage. The accusation did have some truth hidden in between the lines, I reasoned as the guilt began to flow over me, smoothly and effortlessly drowning me in its wake. Live with me? Did that mean that I truly wanted him out of my life? Inconceivable. But then why would those words rush to my mouth? Surely I could not be this upset.

"_The humans?! Have you ever once stopped to think about me? About how the thirst is always there. Never fully satisfied. It will always have control over me."_

His words seem to merge together as he spoke, all forming together to be the poison that would undo me.

"_And you're merely giving into it." _I muttered, disappointment raining down on me hard. But not hard enough to cause me physical pain. Pain that I wished for. Hurt that I deserved.

I heard the wind rush forward, knew he was not an inch away from me, hand raised and yet I could not shake the image that had lodged firmly into my brain. Edward stood before me, face twisted into a malicious mask, a sneer placed on his perfect lips. His deep red eyes scorched me like a burning poker brought to the skin. I could literally feel the heat burn my skin, reduce my heart to ashes.

"_Pathetic." _He breathed on my face. He would never know how true he was. I vaguely noticed his shadow storm from the room, my eyes focused onto the floor. I had failed him. Miserably.

I walked to the window and caught a brief glimpse of a blur of tawny hair and knew he was gone. I had no idea where he would go but I knew he would not be anywhere in a forest. He was determined to prove to himself that his method of living was better.

I retrieved my coat from the storage room and left the quiet, eerie house. I would do what I would always do to avoid my own pain. I would ease the pain of others.

I entered the hospital at a brisk, human walk and nodded at the front desk. I could feel a few eyes on me but I continued through the tiled hallway, grabbing my white coat from its usual hook.

An elderly nurse took my shoulder for a moment and I paused in my walk, turning towards her. "Dr. Cullen, there is a girl here. Jumped off a cliff for some reason, suicide attempt of course. Thank goodness she didn't succeed but she has severe damage to the head and internal bleeding. Dr. White has stabilized her but she still isn't looking good. Room 34."

She pointed a knobby finger down a corridor to my left. I nodded before I walked down the hallway.

I could already smell the blood as I passed room 10 but I pressed onward, the blood not hindering my senses in any way.

I walked calmly into room 34 and my eyes widened. The woman, no more a girl, appeared almost identical to Elizabeth. I frantically checked the clipboard that was tacked to the inside of the door for a name. The chart read:

Name: Esme Dayne

Age: 24

Gender: Female

I shook myself mentally before turning to her, all too aware of the pale shade of her skin and how her face was contorted with pain. She said not a word, her mouth clamped shut in an effort to withhold a scream.

There were several stitches in the back of her head, the source of her pain. Or was it? I examined her more intently. Stabilized? This was by no means stabilized. I had to concentrate to smell the little blood that was still running through her veins. Her death would be in the next day if I couldn't stop it. Quickly, I made the decision. She would become like me. Be a part of my family.

"Ms. Dayne, have you no family to stop you from killing yourself?" The only question that was necessary. She shook her head slightly, tears welling up in her eyes. I called in a nurse from the hallway.

"She needs a sedative; she'll be going into surgery soon." I said smoothly, my lie almost unnoticeable. Without even questioning me, the women withdrew a syringe from her pocket and placed it in my hand. She left the room without a backward glance.

I walked over to the bed, holding the needle gingerly. "This will help with the pain." I said soothingly. She nodded and turned her head away from me.

She placed her ridged left arm into my left hand, starting only slightly at the icy touch. I slid the needle under her skin and administered the drug. After a few silent seconds, she was asleep.

I lifted her easily into a wheel chair and wheeled her out of the room, my skin feeling slightly clammy as I tried to walk calmly down the hall.

We reached a deserted street that was a few blocks north of the hospital. I took her into my arms and began to run, her limp hand knocking against my side as we flew away.

If I had thought a second transformation would be easier, I was wrong. It was just the same as Edward's; the writhing, the bursts of screams, and my being unable to ease the pain except for try to yell apologies over her voice.

Maybe Esme would be the one I needed now, not the other way around. I needed someone to help fill the hole left in my chest from his departure. I needed someone to help me prove I could live without him.


	6. Chapter Six: Return

AN: I own nothing other than my imagination. The characters and world belong to Meyer, not me. Sorry it took so long to get this one out. About three months? Wow. But, not so sure if I like this one. I wrote it using a program called Write or Die just so I could get it done. Please rate and review. If I made any stupid mistakes, please tell me. This chapter is full of cliches, just a warning. Thanks for reading.

Chapter Song: ...Erm. I don't think this chapter has one. I'll have to think about it for awhile.

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Chapter Six: Return

Edward

I stood a couple of miles outside of the forest that surrounded our-Carlisle's house, trying to keep a hold of my very small amount of pride. It was true. I missed him.

I missed him like the moon misses the night. He was as natural to me as a heart to blood. I needed him to breathe. I wouldn't call the last few months living, merely surviving. Never stopping long enough for introspection, never looking into any reflective surfaces. The sight shocked me, mocked me, and haunted me. It would forever be burned in my retinas. Red would no longer mean the color of blood or anger to me but the color of fear and self-loathing.

I wanted to see him, to be held and comforted by him. I had slipped up and made a terrible mistake. No, not one mistake. Thousands. Carlisle was always a forgiving person. But would he forgive Lucifer himself? My mind raced in tempo with the rain spattering the hard ground, soaking me through but I felt only a numbness that gripped my lungs and restricted my breathing.

There was only one thing left to do. There was no point lingering on the doorstep of hell any longer. I flew through the forest, my breathing quickened as I picked up speed. Not due to exhaustion but at the mere thought of seeing Carlisle. It was at that point that I knew he was more than a father to me, more then a brother. He was a soul mate, a companion, best friend, mentor, and he was a part of me. I ran even harder, uprooting several trees in my haste. I approached the extravagant door, my knuckle rubbing against the ebony wood. I heard two voices, whether mental or vocal I wasn't sure.

_Work was tough today. Had a young boy with a broken finger who was convinced I was God himself. _There was a light laugh. It was Carlisle's; I knew that in an instant. The golden laugh that was flecked with easiness that I could never fathom. Another laugh responded. I froze in knocking on the door, my stomach dropping. It was a woman's voice, high and soprano. One that somehow meshed with his perfectly.

I nearly fell into the solid wood, my knees locking together in place and my mind stopping. Automatically, I took a step back and nearly stumbled onto the ground below. The laughter drew closer and there was a soft _click_ of a lock and the door opened before I could respond.

The woman who stood before me was pretty, unnaturally so. She had soft caramel hair that fell to her waist and pale inhuman skin. It took me a moment to put the pieces together. And when I had, a small cry threatened to burst forward from my lips. I could feel claws gnashing at my insides but not of the need. Of the jealousy and pain.

He had changed her.

"Esme, who is at the door?" Carlisle came forward into the light and his face gave everything away. Hurriedly, he wiped the expression away but I had seen enough. There was no need to read his mind, even if I had wanted to. His eyes were wide with shock and his mouth was agape. He was surprised that I had returned, that much was certain. But was it a delighted surprise or a disappointed one? Carlisle's hand found the girl's, Esme as he had called her, and squeezed her thin fingers gently, in a show of support. "Dear," he said, calm as ever.

"This is Edward, my son." He finished, his eyes searching my face. I tried to keep my expression impassive, tried to keep the edge from my voice. Son? A simple three letter word to describe our relationship. It didn't seem adequate to explain the love I felt for him. He was a father to me, yes, but it seemed like so much more. "What a pleasure to meet you." By the nervous and apprehensive way she took my outstretched hand, I could tell I had no managed to keep all of my feelings at bay.

"Edward, this is Esme. My wife." It was true, I had assumed as much but it still didn't keep the pain away when he said the word. The simple four letter title hung in the air as if he had said a great insult and everyone was trying to forget about it. It was still present in the air, we just chose to ignore it.

Esme calmed after that, warmed up to me slightly. "Edward, Carlisle had told me so much about you." I didn't register what she said after this, I was too busy trying to interpret Carlisle's thoughts. His pale hand was wrapped around her waist and her long caramel hair tickled his face whenever she moved her head.

_I'm sorry. So, so, sorry._ He kept thinking it over and over again, his honey eyes never leaving my gaze. I turned away in revulsion, choosing instead to examine the kitchen that he and I had built together.

It was different. After all, years had passed but it wasn't a place recognizable to my eyes. Picture frames hung from the walls in rows and soft candles burned from every corner. The walls were a deep maroon and the counters were black stone. The entire place sparkled with a glow that was hard to explain. I tore my eyes away from one of the pictures and focused on Esme.

The image did not leave my vision though. It was a picture of Carlisle and Esme, holding hands and smiling warmly at one another in a park. The picture seemed to summarize everything that I had missed and all of the feelings that were toying with my mind. Not wanted, no needed. Carlisle had found someone to cover the hole I had left and then some. But the hole in my chest and swelled to twice its previous size and now felt frozen. And not even Carlisle's honey warm eyes would ever be able to fix it.


End file.
